Why oh Why?

Today was such a terrible day. I finally made it to my classes just to find out they are all terrible. My biology class I thought was going to just be 4 tests and that's it. Nope, way more work and way harder than I had anticipated. Next is a stupid Stat's class that is such a piece of cake with the most boring slow professor ever that I want to kill myself sitting in my chair listening to him drone on and on. And then my dreaded history of psych class. I had enrolled in this class 3 semesters ago when I first found out I was pregnant. I ended up (STUPIDLY) dropping all of my classes that semester and here I am taking it again. This time with an ugly, nasty, hairy, monster who's always trying to be funny and always says "whatever." She's a beast of a woman with seriously mad sideburns, khaki pants, small sweater, white tennis shoes, messy hair in messy ponytail, big thick glasses and constantly getting off-subject (and not in a good way). And this is my teacher. Of course, she's a grad student who is the same age as me, who has 3 cats and vows she will never get married nor have children. I suspect she feels this way because no man would ever even contemplate looking in her direction because she is so scary. I hate to judge, but i'm pissed because i pay a lot of money and I get these shitty grad-student instructors every semester. I even go online to ratemyprofessor.com but end up having to compromise to get the schedule I want.

And I have another class on tuesday ... so that makes 4 on tuesday - 3 of which are also on thursday and then i also have one on saturday. :( My mom is coming over to tend the babe on saturday and my hubby is watching her tues/thurs. It is a nightmare. Oh and it took me 2 hours to get home - 30 minutes of which was just getting off campus. the engineer's didn't have the foresight to construct more than a small 2-lane road.

Ugh. I missed my baby so much while I was gone. I was FREEZING the whole time too. And like I said, the classes were terrible, traffic was horrible, and i came home and ate so much nutella i'm going to barf.

I also did something I didn't think I'd ever do...i actually told two people (my only two followers) that I was blogging on here. I thought I'd really keep this "anonymous" and journal like. Maybe I'll consider keeping a livejournal instead...since that is more of what I'm doing. Oh well, whatever. I guess blogging can be anything you want it to be. But I'm still insisting I'm blogging only for myself. :P

The Birth of Venus

I wondered why "the birth of" sounded so familiar. It's Botticelli's painting...the birth of venus! I think this is totally fitting and appropriate! I have finally decided on officially keeping my blog named as the birth of happiness. Thanks botticelli.

Date Night

I wonder if anyone else has changed the name of their blog a gazillion times? I'm sure I'll change it again.

My wonderful hubby surprised me by taking me on a hot date last night! Well, not so hot considering it was freezing and that we didn't have steamy sex or anything (which disappointed and surprised me). But hey! We went on a date for maybe the third time since last April when our little princess was born. We've been out with friends, or with family here and there - but it is a very rare occasion when it is just the two of us. We just had a couple of appetizers and two drinks each and spent some much needed quality time together. There is a new bar just a couple of miles away and we really like it. Plush velvet seats, lucious red carpet, old-fashioned tiled ceiling, loud and bouyant Karaoke Fridays, or laid-back quiet Saturdays. All wrapped up in a quaint Irish Pub! Great food, great service. All laughs and smiles as we snuggled in our booth. We had such a good time.

Mr. King's family is in town so when we got home we played Life with my sister-n-law until 2:30 AM! I can't believe we stayed up so late. She usually goes out with us when she's here, but the King said he wanted alone time with his wife (!). I was floored! He was so charming last night. Hmmm. I wonder if he made some New Year's Resolutions I don't know about? Whatever it is, something has sparked his flame-o-love!

Miss baby-doll princess sure is a sweetie. She's trying so hard to crawl and she's all giggles. All you have to do is give her a funny silly face and she giggles hysterically. She has such a good personality and spirit. What a beautiful blessing.

She was sooo wound up last night when our family got here! She's been staying up late and sleeping late for the last couple of weeks anyway, but last night she was up until 11:15! At least she sleeps in too. She'll sleep between 10-12 hours. Oh how I wish I was asleep right now too. I woke up at 6:30 wide awake with my hear racing. I'm feeling anxiety about having our late christmas with his family because really, we didn't get anyone ANYTHING. we got his parents a couple of gift cards (how lame is that!?) and his sister money and beer. I just don't know what to get them and hate guessing and being wrong. They came with bags FULL of presents - all I hope is it is mostly all for our little monkey-mo! Ugh. I think they secretly don't like me still, but that's another story for another day.

Ramblings

Hmmm...I'm still not diggin the name of my blog. It reminds me of "diary of a mad black woman." not that that is bad, just not as original as I'd like.

So, speaking of diaries, an old friend and love interest from high school found me on one of those online communities (you know the kind, myspace, facebook, etc.). Well, he was the LAST person I'd dream of having contact me, and honestly probably hadn't thought of the kid in 10 years. And low and behold, there he was! I had very vague memories of him and decided to see if I'd written anything about him in one of my old diaires. I have about 6 or 7 journals filled from cover to cover and it was just a matter of finding the right year. It was 10th grade. I found an entry talking about how we went to a football game! And I wrote about how tall and how cute he was, but that he wasn't the same religion as me. Apparently we had kissed and after we kissed he opened his pants up and wanted a little sucky-sucky action!!! Oh my. I didn't even remember any of that. I, of course, was APPALLED! Seeing as though he was the 3rd boy I'd ever kissed and such a good young teenager at the time I wouldn't have dreamed of coming near him or his thing! Oh my, how times have changed. I never went out with the young horny kid ever again, but wrote about how for the rest of the school year he and his friends all made fun of me and i got many-a-penis flashed at me! Unbelievable.

This little experience was a testiment to me that journal writing is really powerful and worthwhile. For some reason I have a terrible memory - especially when it comes to word-recall or useless-facts. I always lose when I play scrabble, scattegories or Trivial Pursuit... my husband gloats like a kid with no manners. I would normally classify myself as rather smart, but for some dang reason i just can't remember words, facts, or anything from my childhood or teenage years. Well, regardless, I have an amazing history written that I diligently and faithfully kept from age 11 to... well, to now, really. If my husband cared to learn anything about me he would dig in and read everything from cover to cover - he'd even find out "how many" ..., but for some reason, he has no desire. Not just to find out how many, but he just has no desire to read, or to challenge himself, or to learn anything about me. Isn't that strange?

Unfortunately 90% of the pages are about boys, boys and boys. One boy in particular, my first love. I met him when i was 15 and wrote about him until i was 19 when we met again and dated for awhile. I waited for him. I loved him fiercely. I moved, he moved. We wrote hand-written letters. Between the two of us, we had probably written thousands of pages of letters. He consumed my every thought. Which is really too bad. It is always so easy to look back, read and see what I did wrong and what went wrong. I hsould have lived my life for me. I should have gone to college right away, instead of stretching it out for 8 years. It was okay that I loved him, but I hsouldn't have put my every fiber of being into my love for him. Our love was real. So real that even now I'm not sure I could say I've ever felt for anyone else the way I felt for him. He, in the end, broke my heart. I think my flaw was in I didn't trust myself, know myself and hadn't worked through anything I needed to figure out in life. I pushed us to be together too fast and too hard. whereas if I would have trusted things to either work out or not, and just lived life - progressing to where I wanted to be - I bet we would have actually worked out. Anyway. I hope if my husband read this he wouldn't be hurt. I think it is natural to experience something spectacular and lasting when it comes to your first love.

Wow I've gotten pretty far off track here. In the end, my point is to WRITE! Write, write and write. Every feeling, moment, and experience after experience at home, work and school can't easily be remembered and stored in our endlessly thinking brains. I think I read somewhere that you think 16000 thoughts a day! That is a lot of thoughts, so write down the important ones so you can one day go back and relive the ones that made you who you are today.

Not so lonely afterall

I decided to change the name of my blog. I realized i'm really not so lonely - well not all of the time. Not today anyway. Haha. Maybe i've been feeling better since my hubby got me a gym membership for Christmas. Yay! I love going to workout and it is a nice little break from being mommy. Of course there is a daycare included, but as of yet I haven't had to take the little babe. Also, I decided to look for mom groups in order to make some new friends. The little monkey really isn't old enough to play with other kids, so the playgroups will be for me. I just care about making some real and lasting friendships. I'm not sure if i'm really that inadequate at making friends or if i just haven't met anyone like me who I want to be friends with. :)

Anyway, enough about the friend situation. Nothing unusual, exciting or interesting happening. The King (my husband) has been working tons of hours. He works 6 days a week and goes in early to work two 12 hour shifts twice a week. I feel like a single mom. tonight is his only night off and I told him I'm off duty too (haha)! I need a break from being the only one to take care of Miss monkey. We'll see if he really takes charge and gets her ready for bed, etc.

New Year's Eve he left for work at 5PM. It is the 2nd year I've spent new year's home alone! Last year I was pregnant and didn't really care because I was too tired to stay awake anyway. but this year I was pretty depressed and ate all day.:( I've vowed that next year I will not sit at home by myself simply because Mr. King has to work. I wish we could do something together and enjoy it. For a change.